it amazes me how i can stay totally disconnected from the Internet. it’s like since the much awaited return form cowboy town, i practically stayed away from it. well, except maybe to do  quick e-mail checks. surprisingly, i just don’t know what else to do over the Internet.

anyways, the break seems good so far. spent a week at my grandmother’s. my sis will be back this week so that means i can finally go shopping…hehe. then, i will be meeting up with friends again tonight. will be doing our regular…haha. i’m  kinda ‘busy’ this break though because i’ve started tutoring again. oh well, that’s about it now…

oh god! i was blog hopping, and i saw these. i’m shocked…and these sure as hell do not look innocent.

sigh. i don’t know to feel pity for the girl, or both. seriously?

ish! konon nak jadi engineer.

dumbass

obloodychem also cannot do!

wake up honey! stop dreaming!

This cant be the real world now
I don’t believe it
When I cant see the truth
Welcome to the real world now
When all our carried in now just to poison youth
Am I
The only one who thinks its tragic?
Cause I know
This cant be the real world now-AAR

sigh

that’s all i seem to be doing these days.

sigh

there i was on the phone with my mom, sounding so  bloody darn depressed. as if i had this long trip to hell. and my mom did the cutest thing ever. she quoted the lyrics from Pink’s ‘So What’ to cheer me up. it went something like this-

so, so what?

i’m still a rock star

i got my rock moves…

it was cute enough, even though it was just 3 lines. 3 lines that actually did wonders you know. most moms would probably quote something from Confucius or some other smarty-pants. but have you ever came across moms that actually quotes songs from Pink?

mum, you are definitely one of a kind.

It’s all too much to take in,
I can’t hold on,
To anything watching everything spin.

Because I can’t hold on, when I’m stretched so thin.
I make the right moves but I’m lost within.
I put on my daily facade but then,
I just end up getting hurt again.

it’s finally the finals in less than 12 hours time. i’m ready for it and at the same time, i’m not. it’s like i can’t wait for it to be over. so i’m happy it’s tomorrow. but then i know i’m not ready. i spent too much time on obloodychem and i still don’t think i’ve mastered it. i’m just scared to death now. i can feel myself shaking. i mean this is the real thing!

i hope i don’t do any blunder. *fingers and toes crossed* . i just really want this to turn out ok. oh pwetty pwease…

neways, good luck people and all the best!!!

yay! yay! hujan!

i love the rain. have i ever told you that. ya i know probably a couple hundred times. well that’s because i love the rain. not a drizzle. not the for-awhile rain. not the alang-alang ones. but the ones that come pouring. the whole day long. yes, i love the rain.

yay! yay! hujan!

ps: have i  ever mentioned that i love the rain?

unfair.

i want one too.

sigh

oh shit! oh shit!

oh shit! shit! shit!

my bloody darn heart

has forgotten the beat

da dum da dum

da dum dum dum

is how my bloody darn heart

now starts its fete

oh no! oh no!

oh no! no! no!

my bloody darn heart

i think we’re dead meat

so please, so please

so please. please, please.

help my bloody darn heart

remember the beat.

hehe…this just came to me while doing obloodychem.

ok i can’t concentrate. random thought overload…sigh. i’ll get this out and move on to what i have to do…hopefully.

i always thought life was just like the movies. i  somehow always manage to associate or relate the happenings in life to  certain certain movies. well, i don’t know it’s just how my mind works. i always have a song or parts of book popping in my head to title up situations. neways, back to movies. noticed how movies always have a twist to it and the whole situation gets chaotic then voila happy ending. ok no i’m not going to go ranting that my life is not like the movies because i have yet to find my happy ending…boohoo. well at least not in this post…hehe

my point is, i’ve heard sooo many people say, “life is not like the movies…” well you  see, i never thought of movies as a depiction of a person’s whole life. like the happy ending is not a happy ending to their life. instead it’s just a rendition of a cetain moment. like boy meets girl, they fall in love and happy ending. that’s just the ending to that chapter of the story and not the story itself.

ergo, life is excatly like the movies. problem comes in. your whole world turns upside down. then things fall into place (happy ending). then another  ‘movie’ takes places and the whole  cicle continues. rinse and repeat.

haha. told cha it’s random.

ok back to sleeping studying. happy studying. ok wait how in the world did that phrase even come about? happy studying? WTH!!!. it just hit me seconds ago that this widely used dumbass phrase is not as fancy as it seems. in fact i can actually sense a lot of sarsacm in it. don’t u think so? daim! it’s like saying have fun suffering.

i’ll stick to the good old days’ good luck then. so yeah…good luck studying people. yes, much better…

i’m feeling very very happy now. i don’t know exactly why. just feels like all the crappyness plus childishness and aduhfyingness seems irrelevant now. all i know is that i’m very happy.

and i don’t know or care now what mr.shamsul gives us for our project, i’m giving us an A++ with a hundred million stars.

and after sooo long. today i’m finally going to sleep peacefully. and i really  hope that today at least, you people are happy too. it’s a nice feeling. hehe

I’m the perfect disaster,
You can’t stop me.
Comin’ faster and faster,
But you just watch me.

Walkin’ every wire,
Set the world on fire.
No one shining brighter.

I’m Supergirl.
I’m fire red.
I’m all aboard.
I’m in your head.
Everybody knows.

I’m Supergirl,
I’m everywhere.
Those flashy lights,
They stop and stare. – supergirl, saving jane

i just needed to blog to keep me awake. i fear if i take another cup of coffee, i’ll die of intoxication.hehe. well, i needed to take a break from AW. it feels like one side of my brain is overworked so i want to balance it off. besides, i think i’m on the verge of dozing off  anytime soon cause i have yet to sleep. well except for the unplanned moment where i kong-ed for an hour. and i most certainly cannot afford to sleep now. lots to do. no i did not start doing this at the last-minute. this is more like finishing it at the last-minute. editinglah, rewritinglah…

at times, i get the ahhhh-screw-it  moments and i ask myself what will i do if i don’t get a good mark for this. is this all worth it? should i just copy and paste stuff ? it’s very tempting, especially when you’re sleep deprived. but, i believe and i always try to remind myself about the personal satisfaction part. like eventhough you like work your ass off but still don’t get the credit you deserve. maybe because you do it according to your point of view and perception and the lecturer thinks other wise. or simply because it’s wrong.

like there is this part of me that actually enjoyed this whole process. like scanning the whole library for books related to the topics. actually reading them. then i know i might have pissed ppl of cause i was so fussy about our aim for this paper. but it was fun fighting about it and then coming up with an agreed idea. then go on changing the topic, and redoing everything all over again.haha. very tensioning at that time. then panicking cause got problem with the blardy pie charts. and later coming up with a solution to the problem. and we actually did it right! then cracking your head for pathetic excuses on why ur fake (hehe) data is such. and the list goes on and on. actually come to think of it, i never felt more like a uni student then for these past weeks. i mean first time doing an actual assignment. and doing things i never thought i could. so looking back on all these, how can i not feeling anything but satisfied? never really like this phrase but somehow it seems fitting here. just do your best and just except what happens next. yes, i did do my best…so i’ll just let whatever that will be, be. i’ve got personal satisfaction and that’s more than enough at this moment.

but, boy i can’t wait to hand this in. then i’m going to come back and just sleeeeeeep.

ahh…see this worked…i’m all better now. very optimistic. ok back to work!

ps: do ignore the spelling and grammatical errors here. in a rush mah…

why oh why does the bloody Academic Writing assignment seem never-ending? i have worked on it since the beginning of time, and i am still struggling to finish it up. it honestly is dehydrating my brain. i have to think so much. well, my lecturer is pretty…erm detailed. so,  when i type something, i have to like reread it over and over. try and figure out if it’s self-contradicting?  is it viable? is it academic enough? then, refer back to all those books just to make sure i have all my facts absolutely right. and you know also to just try and imagine his reaction to each sentence.

well, it is a good thing actually. it’s  good practise, just like he said. it’s really making my brain work. it’s a lot of hard work, but, tomorrow when i hand it in, it’ll be a humongous lift of my shoulders. like i can once again inhale profoundly, and exhale with much relieve. then, i can actually focus on the finals. well, no i still have test 3 for intro to the oil and gas industry. yes, then i can finally focus on the finals.

well, i’m actually worried about Academic Writing. and no, i don’t categorize that under English. this is actually a headache giver. you see, i’m the type of person who when writing, choose to be very lengthy. like before coming to my point, i like giving it a grand intro and it can get pretty lengthy too. my writings are usually very disorganized. points are everywhere, and  i make a lot of redundant sentences to fill my random tralalas. thus, making it impossibly hard for me to do summaries. like i always think that they are all usually important. then, i’m actually quite bad when it comes to vocabulary. it’s like i know the words but they don’t come tip tapping on my fingers when i need them. i  had this problem since small, so i usually just blurt out meaningless-crappy-i don’t-know-what-else-to-say-to-best-describe-it words. like, tip-tapping, dong-dong, blokasei, kiche bang, re-ish, nyiok-nyiok and many more. blogging or personal writing is easy because i can actually get away with these words. but not AW. oh no, you have to use academic words.  oh and my spelling…horrendous!

well, this is something i HAVE to get used to whether i like it or not. because, i have 3 and a 1/2 years more to go. and i sure as hell will be doing a lot of academic writings. oh well, i’ll worry about that later shall i. now got to get back to the assignment. oh and i decided to change back to  my first blog layout. the previous one was too depressing…

well, personally, this goes out to mei lin. i was bored and came up with this as a response to her  comment on my new shoes post. her comment was – im trying to squeeze my brain juice for a test & a quiz tomorrow. but i guess it’s all dried up.. huhu. and she seems very stressed and all even in her display messages on gtalk. so, my response to that is…

oh, the stupid test!

honey, just do your best.

even if all the answers were guessed,

and you’re very stressed.

soon you’ll be blessed,

so don’t be depressed,

or you’ll get a cardiac arrest. !

hehe…well  cheers and good luck!